Still Fighting It
by Otte
Summary: PokeSpe: Years on, Silver is lost in the world of the average adult, a world growing more limited as middle-age looms closer. They say everybody has to grow up sometime...even the pokedex holders.


**Still Fighting It**_  
A PokeSpe fic by Otte. Why can't I stop writing about these two idiots. In such weird ways.  
_

"I'm sorry Mr...Viridian, was it?"

"Yes. That's right," he said, "Silver Virdian."

The man eyed him suspiciously and glanced back at the papers in front of him; all of Silver's personal details. What little there was, at the very least. All the details were improvisations and presumptions piled on top of each other. Not even his age was that damn certain, and his second name was one of his own choosing. After all, there was very little that was certain about him, and what was known wasn't suitable to present to an employer.

Silver had to wonder how he'd even managed to secure an interview. He was intelligent, but without qualifications or references and those, Silver had learned after he decided to give up training full-time, were always what employers sought out above any genuine competence. Over and over, he'd kicked himself for not quitting sooner, while he was still young enough to enter into full-time education, or seek out other options. He'd been immeasurably stubborn and short-sighted, training and training until all the competition seemed to get younger and younger. He couldn't keep up with the new methods of battle, the newly discovered evolutions and the more exotic and rare pokemon that were being every day. It was too much for one trainer, getting on in years, still not settled into a confident position of seniority in the training world, to keep up with. In truth, he had not so much given up training, as it had just drifted away from him. His pokemon remained by his side, but they were free to come and go as they pleased. They took advantage of this liberty, some grew bored and travelled alone, others simply grew fat and lazy in the comfort of his sister's home.

"I don't think you would fit into our organisation," the man said. Silver pushed back the urge to sigh, and straightened his tie. He stood up. The man remained seated, staring at him over the top of his glasses with an expression of sincere sympathy that managed to make Silver inwardly fume far more than anything else he could have done or said.

"Thank you for the opportunity," he said, with a bow. The words felt like sand in his mouth. What he really wanted to was glare and curse, and stalk out with a storm cloud above his head without another word. He wanted to release all his pent-up frustration with a few sharp words, to slam a fist on the desk and kick over the chair. However, between Blue and Gold he'd had the importance of manners, etiquette and just generally not acting like a broody teenager drummed into his head. How utterly unsuitable both of his teachers were still made him want to groan.

The man bowed his head in response, and Silver left the building at a quick, angry pace, feeling a tight knot in his chest. He sighed and pulled his tie loose as he walked through the revolving door. At this rate, he would be unemployed and living off his sister forever. He was sure he'd never predicted leaving such a mundane, faintly embarrassing lifestyle. When they were children, they'd seemed _special_. The pokedex holders; the finest young trainers across all the regions. They seemed like they'd never grow out of it. He had never thought for a second that newer, younger more talented trainers would eventually emerge, and he'd never expected to be pushed into the murky insignificance of a nine-to-five existence.

His phone vibrated into his pocket, shocking him out of his angry thoughts, and Silver whipped it out and flipped it open.

"_hey budi! hw'd d ntrvu go? XP"_

Silver bit his lip for a second as his fingers drifted indecisively over the keys, struggling with his pride, and his desire to bitch and moan about his poor fortune, before finally pressing the call button.

"You're thirty-eight. Learn to spell." was the first thing he said when Gold picked up on the other side. Gold insulted him colourfully, and Silver took it all with a practised silence and coolness. He felt a few drops of water hit the top of his head, and he heard the rain begin to patter softly on the pavement. The crowds around him walked faster, umbrellas coming to bloom over their heads.

"Seriously though, how'd it go?" Gold asked finally. Silver's only response was a low groan as he begun to dig through his bag for an umbrella. The rain beat heavily against his head, and his hair was already beginning to cling to his forehead and cheeks.

"That good, huh?" Gold said, in a tone Silver had learned over time was Gold's version of sympathy, accompanied by a laugh that translated roughly to "sorry, man". Gold wasn't the type of man who said what he meant, at least wherever sincere affection was concerned. Silver had learned over time to sense the real meaning behind the words, rather than their callous, joking tone.

Silver dug more desperately through his bag as the dampness began to sink through his suit, spreading an icy chill through his skin.

"Damnit! My umbrella..." he hissed finally, cursing himself for not picking it up on the way out. Gold snorted on the other end, apparently greatly amused. Silver sighed and clipped his bag shut, shoving his free hand into his pocket, only to have his fingers slip through a gaping hole at the bottom.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he snapped before he could stop himself, ignoring Gold's laughter on the other end of the line. Silver growled. His busfare had been in there, damnit, how the hell was he meant to get home? He patted himself down over and over, hoping to fine a few spare coins hidden within the confines of his outfit, but there was nothing there. He was literally penniless. He was also fairly sure there was nothing in his bank account. His last pay-cheque had been a very long time ago. His last job hadn't exactly been interesting, but it paid decently and allowed him some limited work with pokemon. However, he'd been fired after a fit of stupid temper. It had been nothing extreme, and nothing unjustifiable, but the offended client had pursued the case to the bitter end, and eventually his boss had been forced to let him go. "For the good of the company".

"What's the matter?" Gold said, as Silver's stream of swear-words finally faded away into a simmering silence.

"Hole in my damn pocket," he grunted, and sighed in exhaustion, deciding not to expand on the subject and make himself sound even more pathetic. It was a three hour walk home, but Silver couldn't see any other alternative, so he could merely hope Blue wasn't home when he got back to fuss over him.

Gold clicked his tongue on the other end of the line thoughtfully.

"Okay, hey, listen. I'm in the city. Just got off work. Let's get a coffee," Gold said. Silver was about to retort that he had no money for coffee; no money for _anything_ and he wouldn't take charity and didn't have any desire to see him anyway, but then decided that Gold would just argue and complain until he got his way, and sighed.

"Fine. Meet you outside the station," he said after a long pause. Gold agreed and hung up. Silver folded his arms across himself, shivering in the brittle cold. He sped his pace into a semi-run, feeling cold and wet and miserable, and not caring if he looked stupid, as long as he got out of the damn rain. The dampness and cold was creeping up his pant leg, and his soles of his shoes were flooded. The soles let out more water like a damp sponge with every step he took.

He was cold and miserable and jobless, and as he leaned against the station and grudgingly waited for Gold to turn up, he had to wonder how the hell he'd wound up like this. If he hadn't started to live as a good little, law-abiding citizen, or had simply been nothing but that since day one, there wouldn't be problem. Though perhaps that wasn't possible, his father was a mob-boss, after all. Even if he hadn't been kidnapped by a madman while he was young, he still would have been raised in darkness.

He had a criminal record, a sketchy back-story, a very limited set of social skills, and he was getting too old too fast. It was as if the whole damn world was conspiring to drive him into a corner, and to make it one he chose himself.

He was so absorbed in his sulking, it took him a moment to notice that the rain had stopped over his head, and that Gold, dressed in a sharp black suit, was standing beside him and holding a bright red umbrella over them both.

"Been swimming?"

"Have I ever told you that you look absurd in a suit?"

"Hey! I just got outta a meeting with a top breeder from Sinnoh," he said, grinning with pride, "And get this. Remember those stupid egg tips I wrote? For that one magazine? A publisher wants a full book of that crap!"

Gold grinned at him, but the smile fell quickly from his face as he looked at his friend, and the two fell awkwardly quiet for a minute, as though silenced by the difference in their positions.

"C'mon. Let's go. You're gonna catch somethin'," Gold said finally with a meek grin. Silver sighed, squeezed some water from his ponytail, and stepped closer to him to walk under the umbrella.

"Man, what would you do without me. You looked like you were gonna die," Gold commented idly, grinning at him. Silver thumped him on the arm wearily.

"Jackass," he said, though it completely lacked any real heat.

"Hey, hey, is that any way to treat the prince in shining armour who rode over to stop you getting soaked?"

"No, but it's certainly the way to treat the immature moron who skipped over to point and laugh at his rival," he said, making air-quotes at the word "rival".

"Oh, c'mon. I'm a grown man. I don't think of you as my 'rival' any more."

"Hmph...I somehow doubt you've grown _that _much."

Despite his words, even Silver couldn't deny that Gold had grown, and not just in the way that made his shoulders broader and his chin meet Silver's eye level. He had also become calmer, more self-assured and much, much more clever.

His success in the breeding and daycare business had become renowned across Johto and Kanto, and he was expanding further still. He'd adjusted to an adult lifestyle with far more ease than Silver could even dream of. It wasn't difficult to see why. For all the immaturity, recklessness and stupidity that he'd displayed over the years, Gold had a clean record, and sharp social skills. He was good with people, especially after he lost his hot-bloodedness and matured. Hell, now he could even be said to be _charming_, of all things.

These were all the skills and qualities which Silver conspicuously lacked, and this wasn't lost on him. There was something grimly ironic about the way they'd grown up.

They stepped under the veranda of the coffee-shop and Gold closed the umbrella and shook it out before they entered.

"Shit, you're shaking," Gold said. Silver pointedly ignored the comment and stiffened to hide his shivering.

"Black coffee, right?" he asked, but before Silver could snap that he didn't want any further pity, Gold was already at the counter, ordering a black coffee and a cappuccino. Silver could only glare feebly at the back of Gold's head as he paid out of his pocket and flirted nauseatingly with the barista.

Gold said something that launched her into a flurry of giggles, and he looked over his shoulder at Silver with a grin. The barista smiled and waved, one hand covering her giggling mouth. Silver only stared blankly back, and tapped one foot impatiently. The girl frowned, Gold sighed and Silver suddenly felt as though he'd failed some kind of test. He looked away from them, furiously wondering what Gold had been saying to her.

Gold nudged at his elbow, holding out a hot cup of coffee to him. He took it and was led to sit at a nearby table.

"She thought you were cute, you know. You should've said something, man," Gold said as Silver took a long drink of his coffee. He choked and spluttered, then wiped the hot coffee furiously away with a sleeve. He stared at him in astonishment – _that's_ what that was?

"I don't even know her," he said coldly.

"You don't know many people, Silv," Gold replied, looking at him at him with an odd, strained expression. Silver held back his anger, and took a long sip of coffee, slowly formulating a response that would make Gold shut the hell up and drop this topic. "This topic" was something Gold pressed him about often, and one Silver hated hearing about, hated having to even think about. It wasn't a topic he could put a name to, but every mention of it made his insides bubble and burn, jealous and hateful and angry all at once and it was something he preferred to push into the back of his mind.

"I mean," Gold ploughed on relentlessly, apparently taking Silver's cold silence as a cue to continue onwards, "You've got me. And Blue. That's about it though. You barely even talk to the others these days. I know you're an anti-social bastard but c'mon. Two people? No girlfriend?"

Silver gritted his teeth. The words grated against him, frustrating in how they were brutally true but, at the same time, completely wrong.

"It's adequate," he choked out, taking another drink to calm himself. Gold snorted.

"Adequate, huh?" he muttered, and scowled at him, before his face changed and his expression was replaced with a light-hearted smile. He leaned back and slung an arm around the back of the chair.

"C'mon! A cute girl might take the stick out your ass at long last...though I'm not holding my breath," he said, and Silver was briefly tempted to throw the steaming coffee over his stupid, smiling face.

Instead he tensed his whole body and sighed through his teeth. He could scarcely believe that even Gold could think some giggling airhead of a barista would absolve all of his troubles.

"You're so simple," he said, smothering the desire to shout and scream. He knew throwing a tantrum wouldn't do anything other than make himself look incredibly foolish, but he wanted to throw all of his rage at Gold all at once. It felt like the only outlet available to him, as somehow battering Gold with the emotions he didn't know how to deal with, and were too ashamed to show around Blue always made him feel better. It was still embarrassing, and certainly nothing for a man in his late thirties to do.

He thought all this, but at the same time, his words were tumbling from his mouth before he could catch them, smashing open all his barriers and restraint.

"You think everything works for everybody the same way it does for you. It's so frustrating and so wrong. Because, you've never had any _real_ problems. Of course things are easy for you, you idiot, you've never had to deal with anything hard. Nothing like I did," he spat bitterly. Gold stared, unusually quiet and with a strange expression of cool patience as Silver took a quiet breath and continued furiously.

"I can't do things like this. I'm not _you_, okay. I don't do this crap. How am I supposed to know? I've never...never...urgh. This is pathetic."

Silver heaved a long, shuddering sigh, and took a long drink of his coffee. Already his own words were echoing in his head, and already he wished he could take them back. When they repeated back in his head, they sounded pathetic. Gold stared at him carefully, as though measuring him up, with an unusually calculating look on his face. Silver had never seen that look before. He'd expected Gold to yell back at him. He'd half-_wanted_ him to. He was stressed, and arguing with Gold always provided a unique form of catharsis.

Gold set his cup down on the table, and leaned forward, arms folded on the table. He didn't say anything, he simply stared.

"Isn't this your cue to say something loud and obnoxious?" Silver snapped finally, unable to take this uncharacteristic calmness a moment longer.

Gold shrugged.

"I have a lot of people working under me, and a lot of people demanding things of me. If I blew up at every whiny bitch that got pissy with me, I would have been hauled to the nuthouse by now."

"Whiny bitch?" Silver repeated, almost feeling a smirk pulling at his mouth. He supposed, retrospectively, that was in fact how he'd sounded – like a whiny, self-absorbed teenager. He rubbed his face to hide a grin, because like hell he'd let Gold know that he was actually making him feel better.

"That'd be you," Gold said with a broad grin, brushing his bangs (exploding everywhere. As usual) out of his face. Silver kicked him under the table, a favour which Gold enthusiastically returned. Silver allowed himself a quiet laugh, hiding his face behind his mug.

Gold grinned back, resting his chin on his hand. Silver's thoughts drifted off, and he bit his lip.

"Maybe I should train again..." he said wistfully. Gold frowned at him.

"Dunno. That's a bit...sad," he commented, and Silver cringed. It was true. Most trainers were young, energetic teenagers, and after a certain age, a pokemon journey became, well, sad. If he tried to reassemble his broken, unfit team, or caught new, younger pokemon to train, he would be forced to fight against trainers almost half his age. Whether he won or lost would be irrelevant, it still made him look like a fool who competed with children. A pokemon journey was more often taken as a symptom of a mid-life crisis than anything else.

He'd considered, briefly, becoming a gym leader before finding that option was also closed off to him. Aside from the lack of available positions, and the league's justified reluctance to let anybody with a history involving Team Rocket into their ranks, applicants also needed some legal proof of their skills to even be considered – badges, a high standing in some previous tournament, an internship as a gym trainer, something like that. Silver had nothing of the sort.

"It's out of the question, isn't it?" Silver said miserably, then lowered his eyes and bitterly muttered, "Everybody else is fine. Even you."

Gold frowned at him, and Silver realised that last comment may have been callous and tactless even for him, and he continued on, improvising feverishly.

"You were just so _loud _and lazy and stupid and always caused trouble."

Silver realised this wasn't much better, but decided to stop talking before he said something even worse. Gold simply grinned.

"Still cause trouble now."

Silver sighed and rubbed his head.

"This is ridiculous. Why am I the only one..."

He shook his head, attempting to clear away the swarm of thoughts and regrets buzzing in his mind.

"Silv, you were the one always telling me to grow up," Gold said, hiding his face between his bangs, "So...after a while...I did. And. Well."

"I didn't," Silver finished wearily for him, gripping his lukewarm cup of coffee in both hands, as though trying to clasp at the last of the heat and hold it inside.

"Yeah, pretty much," Gold said. Silver looked at him seriously, examining the defined, adult features of the face, the thin layer of stubble across his cheeks and chin. He was sure he saw some wisps of grey at the roots of his dark hair. It was the first time he'd really absorbed that he wasn't talking to the same boy with the big mouth and the stupid goggles. The knot in his chest tightened, and he felt himself draw inwards, feeling very suddenly adrift in an alien world, left behind by people who raced on ahead of him before he had even came to really understand where and who he was.

Gold snapped his fingers at him.

"Yo, Silver. You've got that weird look on your face," he said. Silver snapped back to reality and sat up, his fingers loosening around his mug.

Gold drained the last of his drink and leaned back on his seat, eyeing the barista distractedly. Silver nursed the remains of his coffee, sensing it was still Gold's turn to talk. He anticipated some crude, gag-worth comment about the barista's chest or hips, anything to that effect.

What he didn't expect was for Gold to turn back to him with a serious, somewhat awkward expression, and for him to clear his throat twice before he spoke.

"Y'know, if you need it, I'd help you out with just...whatever, man."

Silver blinked at him, then narrowed his eyes.

"I don't need your pity, Gold. I couldn't take your money," he said shortly. Gold's face turned pink, and he shook his head furiously, oddly flustered.

"No! Jeez. I don't mean that. So defensive," he replied irritably, "I mean, just...if you need help finding work. Or. Or a place to stay."

Gold squirmed in his seat and fiddled with the cuff off his sleeve. Silver smiled at him, for once forgetting to hide the expression.

"Wow, Gold, was that some real affection I sensed?"

"Sh-shut up!" Gold snapped, his face going visibly redder, "You're a jackass, Silv."

"And you're an idiot," he said, laughing, "I appreciate the sentiment. All the same, I wouldn't feel right mooching off you."

"It wouldn't be moochin'," Gold mumbled quietly, and Silver presumed that he wasn't meant to hear that.

"I don't understand you sometimes," he said with a sigh. Gold fingered the top bottom of his shirt for a second, before his pensive expression suddenly cleared and broke into one of his easy smiles.

"The offer's on the table if you ever wanna grab it," he said, leaping to his feet with a suddenly burst of energy, as though the caffeine had just sank into him. He grinned at him.

"C'mon. Let's go."

"Where?" Silver asked, suspecting that Gold had something in mind. Gold unfolded the umbrella as they stepped out into the street.

"Mine, duh," he replied, "You might be interested in knowing the amount of beer I have in my fridge at the minute. Too much just for me."

There was a familiar note of challenge in his voice, and Silver snorted, returning the challenge with a smirk.

"You'll find that I can still quite easily drink you under the table," he said curtly. Gold pulled his tie off and shoved it in his pocket, then stared at him with a hand on his hip.

"Heh, right then, bring it on."


End file.
